The Evils of Modern Mind-Shrinking!
My children, after reading the piece below, I have come to the conclusion that the entire field is of the Evil One (or Prince Victor, same thing!)
So, you've taken the first step toward mental healing by going into therapy. Too bad you probably put more thought into your last beer purchase than you did into selecting the person with whom you will share your most intimate (and perverted) secrets! How do you know if they're qualified? How do you know if they're really helping you? how do you know if these overpaid hacks are even listening? YOU DON"T! But you should definitely
........ GET A NEW PSYCHIATRIST IF...........
1. His office walls are covered with naked pictures of himself with his patients
2. During Free Association , he keeps coming back to the same word (like penis).
3. He has an unusual approach to dispensing drugs..."Ok,heres a prescription for 100 Prozac. You have it filled and we'll go half-sies on it together"
4. His idea of consulting with his colleagues is writing to Dear Abby with your problems
5. He tends to ask inappropriate questions, such as,,, "Tell me, Mr. Johnson, if I were to write a screenplay based on your bedwetting problem, would you go see the movie?"
6. Somehow, every single discussion comes around to How MacGyver would handle it..."Impotence? No problem! MacGyver could take care of that with duct tape and an ear of corn!"
7. You show up 5 minutes early one week and discover him slowly licking the leather couch..."Oh, Couchy, Couchy, you're the only one who understands me!"
8. When you ask him about the Ritalin controversy, he says, "No way could he beat the Joker!"
9. At a moment of personal breakthrough, you distinctly hear the beeping noise of a Gameboy.
10.When you ask him if he thinks you might be suffering from penis envy, he says, "Boo-hoo , sister-join the club!"
11.His version of Freuds revelatory technique involves curing patients by selling them full-filled time-share vacations in Aspen...."I'll tell you what your inner child needs - this three room condo in the heart of Colorado's most famous ski resort!"
12.It just doesn't ring true that every one of your problems stems from your being "Cuckoo For Cocoa Puffs"