IN THE BEGINNING
In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the
Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be
light," and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring
forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit,"
and God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in
our image, after our likeness, and
let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the
air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping
thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own
image;
male and female created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and
saw that they were lean and fit. And Satan said, "I know how I can get back
in this game."
And God populated the earth with
broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's
brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You
want fries with that?" And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man
gained 5 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth chocolate. And
Woman gained 5 pounds. And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And
Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds. And God
said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which
to cook them." And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it
needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol
went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes
and Man resolved to lose those
extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would
not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained
another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up
the score, Devil." And God brought
forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips
and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man
clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And Satan saw and said, "It is
good." And Man went into cardiac
arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created
HMO's.