The C Word
Reaction To The C-Word!
Here at the Divine Order of Faithful Servants we do not like the C-word. It is even more hateful than either the F-Word, S-Word or B-Word. If you have to call us anything we prefer the terms, "group-style faithful living", "religious americans" or "fringe sect". The C-word (I shudder just thinking the word!) conjures up images of Jim Jones and his Koolaid, David Koresh and his bad guitar solos, and Applewhite's loony-tune Hale-Boppers!
A True C-Word - The KoY!
Let us look at Websters definition of the C-word. Websters defines the C-word as meaning 1) a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator or 2) great and esp faddish devotion to an object and its adherents. Anything in unbalanced measure can be the C-word, even good things like A.A., television or Al Gore. Below are listed some real C-words and a short bit on why to avoid them.
Take a look at some truly evil C-words by clicking here!
Caleb reacts to the C-word
Most C-word groups tend to be apocalyptic so for your educational purposes only here are a list of the scariest of the C-word groups!
Apocalypse and How!
C-word -Total Overcomers
Apocalyptic Prediction - Judgment Day is imminent but can be avoided by joining the crew of a fleet of spaceships that will spirit you away to safety.
What Can I Do About It? - "Spaceship training" flights, "Human mammalian addictions"
Cool Costumes? - Obviously, everyone gets their own space suit.
Do I Get a Gun? -Yes, a photon ray gun
Space Aliens? - Oh yeah, baby!
Prophet Factor - Though there is no single leader, this democratic group has taken out ads in USA Today calling for "last chance to advance beyond human"
C-word - Order of the Solar Temple
Apocalyptic Prediction - A convergence of environmental disasters will kill everyone. Leader Luc Jou will lead followers on a merry crusade to the "planet Sirius"
What Can I Do About It? - Give your woman to Luc Jou and kill yourself!
Cool Costumes? -Crusaders must dress like they're in a Dungeons and Dragons game.
Do I Get a Gun? - No way, Jose, you get a sword
Space Aliens? -Depends on whether Sirius is inhabited or not.
Prophet's Credibility Factor -Not very high considering they are all dead now plus as any high school astronomer will tell you - Sirius is actually a star. Better pack those Ray Bans
C-word - Michigan Militia
Apocalyptic Predictions -Cataclysmic race riots and revolution
What Can I Do About It? -Practice "survivalist" techniques and wear lots of camouflage
Cool Costumes? - If dressing like a tree is cool, then yes
Do I Get a Gun? -As many as you can carry away.
Space Aliens? - Worse, illegal aliens
Prophet's Credibility Factor - Armed and ready to go. Give 'em a few cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a TNT Chuck Norris night and they'll storm Ohio.
C-Word -Aum Shinrikyo
Apocalyptic Prediction -With untold resources of money, physical strength and genius, Aum will precipitate a global war that only they will survive.
What Can I Do About It? -Become an affluent, overeducated Japanese person and attack the subways
Cool Costumes? - Yes, Samurai gear with a Hefnerish casual touch
Do I Get A Gun? -Yes, but the weapons of choice are industrial microwave ovens.
Space Aliens? - Nope, not this time
Prophet's Credibility Factor -Their arsenal was pretty impressive but it didn't keep their asses out of the slammer.
C-Word - Al Gore
Apocalyptic Prediction - "We face an ecological crisis without any precedent in historical terms."
What Can I Do About It? -Recycle. Tune out to Fleetwood Mac.
Cool Costumes? - Whatever your wife lays out for you to wear that day.
Do I Get A Gun? - Only after 5-day mandatory "cooling off" period.
Space Aliens? - Big fan of Clinton's "Mothership Connection"
Prophet's Credibility Factor - Suspected Rogaine client, just won party nomination to run for office of Commander in Cheese of the USA
C-Word - Knights of Yahweh
Apocalyptic Prediction - Earth will be hit by a giant comet and only the KoY will survive
What Can I Do About It? -Divest all your possessions to their millionaire leader, Prince Victor, and join them at their home in Endsville, New York
Do I Get A Gun? -Absolutely not
Space Aliens? - Prince Victor appears to be the off-spring of a human-alien probing session.
Prophet's Credibility Factor - None because everyone knows that it is a FLOOD that will wipe out all life not a comet, comets only do that crap in movies.
Elizabeth and Kenneth await Quellish (LIC!)
Now just compare our group using the same criteria with the above C-words
Name - Divine Order of Faithful Servants
Apocalyptic Prediction - Flood, Flood, Flood...Quellish (Let It Come!) just like it says in the Bible
What Can I Do About It? - Stay tuned to the Weather Channel and to Channel 12 and Lisa Swayzak. Divest your possessions and join us
Cool Costumes? - Yes, ours are the best, referee shirts from Footlocker (or DOoF Locker as we prefer to call it)
Do I Get A Gun? - Hey, ever try shooting a flood? But we might need guns to keep the crying hordes from the sides of our Ark once the El Agua comes
Space Aliens? - Hmmmm, not as far as we know
Prophet's Credibility Factor - Listen to our own Most Honorable Reverend Caleb Solar's words on this, "They were wrong, we are right."